Happy Pride!

The Gayest Time of Year

It’s time to dust the glitter off the old rainbow flag because it’s the gayest time of the year, Pride Month. Although, Christmas is pretty gay too. If this is your first Pride, welcome, we’ve been waiting for you. If you’re a seasoned pro, it’s nice to have you back. Pride is the one month a year we get to be extra-gay with a cherry on top. And don’t worry, you can still celebrate the Alphabet Mafia if you don’t identify as queer but want to show up as an ally. Deep down, I’m pretty sure everyone’s at least a little bit gay.

Being gay is one of the best things you can do for yourself. It’s a form of self-care, like yoga or taking a selfie during golden hour. It took me a long time to realize the extent of my gayness, even though my first crush was on Jessica Rabbit, for fucks sake. My second crush was on an older woman who rode my school bus, I was in first grade, and Jenny was in sixth. I will never forget how she picked me up out of the aisle and placed me on a seat so she could walk by me. Jenny, if you’re out there, you can still get it.

Everyone’s journey into gayness is different. I thought I was bi until I quietly quit men altogether in my early thirties. It felt like I’d been living with an undiagnosed gluten allergy, but as soon as I cut gluten out of my diet, I immediately became happier, healthier, and, more importantly, hotter than I’d ever been before. Now I hardly notice men unless it’s dark out, and I have to be on high alert. I’ve developed facial blindness for straight dudes; they all look like one guy named Chad, who wears different colored shirts. But at least we can all agree on one thing; women.

This Pride, I vow to be the gayest gay I can gay to make up for all the lost time I didn’t realize how gay I was. Happy Pride!