And Just Like That: Season Three Predictions
The best, worst show we’ve ever seen has officially been picked up for a third season. Hallelujah, there is a God. Here are a few of my predictions for season three.
Che Diaz-
Che loses their apartment after their building discovers Carrie and Aiden were illegally using it as their own personal fuck den. While sleeping on a bench in the East Village one night, Che befriends a Mole Woman named Gervy, who trains rats to climb trees. Gervy lets Che move into an abandoned subway platform underneath the Forever 21 store across from Penn Station until they get back on their feet. Che catches the eye of one of the producers of Tiger King while performing their new stand-up set on the C train. The Producer wants to do a docu-series about Che’s epic fall from grace.
Miranda-
Miranda scores the cover of Late In Life Lesbian’s Hottest LLL’s in NYC edition. She enjoys the notoriety yet still suffers from imposter syndrome. In an effort to overcome it, Miranda takes a solo trip to The Cubby Hole, where she orders cranberry juice and attempts to flirt with women. Miranda is quickly cornered by Lea DeLaria, who interrogates Miranda and questions her motives. Miranda tries to explain that she comes in peace, but DeLaria threatens Miranda to stay above Fourteenth Street, or it’ll be an all-out turf war, not to be confused with a TERF war, a term baby gay Miranda doesn’t even know about yet.
Charlotte-
In an effort to get to know her children better, Charlotte disguises herself as a new exchange student and spies on her kids at their elite private school. Her cover is blown at the student body talent show, where she performs the Macarena, giving away her age and identity. Harry picks Charlotte up from the Principal’s office and insufferably explains that there are better ways of getting to know their kids, like by asking them questions. Charlotte’s Macarena dance goes viral on TikTok, making her and her kids the ridicule of the Upper East Side. She gets laughed out of Bergdorf Goodmans and seeks shelter in the fifty-seventh street Nordstroms. Charlotte moves into one of the dressing rooms on the fourth floor and refuses to come out until everything blows over.
Carrie-
Carrie regrets selling her apartment and buying a ten-million-dollar Gramercy Park brownstone after realizing Aiden will never put her before his children. Aiden leaves Carrie a voicemail apologizing that she spent all of that money, but his heart belongs in Virginia with his boys. Heartbroken, Carrie pens an article in Vanity Fair titled, There’s No Man in Man-hattan. Carrie runs into Oprah at the Conde Nast building, and Oprah invites her to be a guest on her Super Soul Sunday Podcast to replace Brene Brown, who came down with the newest strain of Covid at the last minute. Carrie reluctantly accepts. After the Podcast, Carrie is inundated with fan mail and male fans. She discovers that maybe there are more than three men in the entire city. Carrie has renewed faith in dating and is ready to get right back out there.
Steve-
Steve gets LASIK surgery and has a rough two-week recovery. During that time, he thinks Miranda moved back in with him, later to discover he was only talking to a mop in the corner.
Brady-
Brady gets discovered while crying outside of the Fashion Institute of Technology campus on Twenty-seventh Street. He signs with an agency called Roles For Redheads. His modeling career takes off, and he becomes the face of Ella Emhoff’s new clothing line.
Seema-
Seema contracts several STDs from her steamy love affair with director Armin Amiri. Sure, her vagina is in a lot of pain, but nothing burns hotter than her heart when she’s around him.
Mr. Big-
Mr. Big’s hologram makes a speech at the Forty-second Street Cipriani’s at a Peloton Fundraising dinner benefiting Indoor Bikes for Indoor Tikes. Even though he’s dead, Big is spotted leaving hand-in-hand with Emily Ratajkowski.